I don’t need to look back or see things to remember why I wouldn’t give you another chance. I remember how many times you have made me feel bad about myself, made me cry and made me feel more hurt by you then probably anyone else in my life.
I knew you would regret braking up with me, not because I think I’m a great person or anything but just because I know how you were and it was weird for you to brake up with me like you did. Or at least to me it was because of what I knew about you and how I thought you felt about me. I remember hoping you would feel bad and end up feeling as bad as you made me feel. I think maybe you have felt that bad now, you say things that make me think you have but, you are a liar so who knows what you really have felt.
I was never going to talk to you again and I was sticking to it but I don’t think never talking to you again would have worked. It hasn’t yet: you just keep on trying to talk to me, by making new facebooks and stuff. Talking to you doesn’t seem to get you to see things the way you should either though. You say you didn’t treat me like shit or lie, but come on we both know you did, and even when I bring up to you some of things that you have done you say yourself that it wasn’t treating me well. You say how at the end of the day I’m the one you think about and that you’re sorry and blah blah, but it’s to late for that. How many times have you said sorry and sweet talked me before? to many to count. Where have I gotten giving you chances? no where. I want to have a guy who will treat me WELL like you USE to do, or better yet, better than you have ever treated me.
I don’t understand you at all, I told you that you have no chance in hell and then you say “what about when I’m back in Cali?” hello?! I don’t care if you’re in my house, in Seattle, in CA, or on the moon. I said no chance in HELL what part of that do you not get? I didn’t say “because you don’t live close anymore” I said no chance as in NO CHANCE. Why would I give you another one, after all the ones I have given you that you have messed up? I have told you before “this is the last chance” and you mess that up.
You said something like “so you have no feelings for me anymore”
Its not about feelings anymore, I can’t let myself be with you again.
As much as I wish things could work I know how you are and that it will end up the same as always. I don’t want to get hurt anymore by you and I don’t see why I would give you any more room to hurt me.
I don’t get how when I told you, you are pissing people in my life off now by messing with me that you said how you’re not messing with me. I have told you to leave me alone so many times and you haven’t. You are messing with me by talking to me, duh!
And I don’t get why you act like I should be nice to you and be nice with what I say to you. “dang no way in hell” yeah no way in hell is what I said, so what? It’s the truth. Why should I have to or want to try to sugar coat things? After all you have done and said and made me feel. You told me no guy would want me and how you are going to go have sex with some girl and then tell me all about it. Maybe you did say you didn’t mean it after I blocked you and everything and you made a new facebook a while back, but so what you still said those things. I think you would do that and meant them when you said them. You say hurtful things and do things and then try to take them back later all the time with me. It still happened, you still said them and they still hurt me when you said them. How do I know if you didn’t mean them? I think at the time you were pissy for whatever reason and you did think about doing it. Saying no guy would want me because of (insert something I’m self conscious about) hurts me, because I do already think/feel that way.
Sometimes you just can’t take things back and that’s how it is. It also makes me feel insulted that you think I care about what you think I care about. If I did you would know and I wouldn’t be how I am.
Someone asked me if maybe you feel bad and that’s why you won’t leave me alone, maybe that’s it. But if so you should say SORRY and write why and whatnot before adding me or trying to talk to me like nothings wrong and like I should be ok to talk to you. Maybe you should act sorry and maybe you should have took the chances I gave you to show me you would treat me well and that you care. But you didn’t so I’m over it now and I’m just trying to think of how to get you to go away and leave me alone for good. Because I know if I gave you one more chance you would just mess up and hurt me, and I don’t feel like getting hurt anymore.
You will probably never read this because I’m most likely not going to send it to you. Every time I think that I have sent you something long after we broke up, telling you things, how I feel and what you have done to me, you just don’t write back, have blocked me for it (I don’t know why because after a while you try to talk to me again) and you probably don’t read any of the long messages I have sent. So I don’t see the reason in sending this. I maybe one day you will see this but that’s not why I wrote it, I wrote it to get my feelings out and for anyone to read that wants to/ maybe can give me some good advice.